be more david

Amongst many old-guard authors, the classic advice when it comes to reviews is… never respond. I understand the idea: don't feed the trolls. The logic of disengagement is, on the whole, sensible in a world where a post about sharks will inevitably bring people who ask about the exclusion of puffer fish. Or kelp. Or squid.

Then there are all those philosophical discussions to be had about something something death of the author. It's probably best to get used to the idea of your work meaning different things to different people, even if you have no taste for Barthes or critical theory. But what's one to do when perfectly lovely bits of feedback also repeat a large misconception about a main character?

One of my protagonists, a MMC, is transmasc. I address this in an understated fashion and I didn't include didactic, pointed dialogue or prose. Lennie Campling is, in short, an icon, and I didn't need to underscore it. Perhaps I've been in a rosy bubble, one where I didn't consider I might need to earmark these qualities in an author's note or with a leaden narrative. Two folks have assumed Lennie has a personality disorder, which wasn't on my 2024 bingo card.

Of the two, one left glowing reviews for the other books. I thought about responding directly, then decided against it. I'm thankful they're very positive reviews; I only wanted to clarify that Lennie doesn't have multiple personalities. This particular misconception feels rooted in Lennie's two pronouns, to put it really simply. I could blather about lack of exposure to queer fiction... and people... but for the sake of directness, we'll stick to literal pronouns.

Not all trans folks are nonbinary or fluid in some manner, but Lennie is. They're "he" to the general public and strangers. "They" is a mark of intimacy, and it's more vulnerable for them. This is part of the prose and linguistic structure itself: Lennie's POV is they/them. Other main characters, even David, use he/him until they know Lennie better.

To strengthen my pithy Transmasc, Nonbinary Lennie campaign ("In this essay, I will..."), I present another character who is similar to what I aimed for: Our Flag Means Death's Jim Jimenez, played by the superb Vico Ortiz.

Without much exposure to trans and/or nonbinary people, for example, somebody who hasn't seen the show might think, Right, a woman dressed as a man to be a pirate. "Crossdressing" and its adjacent tropes can be popular in straight historical romance, after all.

Wrong! Not a woman dressed as a man to be a pirate (or find her true love), or whatever. And it's beautifully refuted! Jim isn't a woman! I love how the whole idea is negated in pretty much two or three exchanges between characters... who aren't skeptical, or rude, or mean, or...

Even a nun doesn't flinch at "Jim" or "they." Not that that particular nun would flinch at much besides an incomplete quest for revenge. Overall, it was a complete validation, never a negotiation that Jim had to undertake.

Just to note, the early-modern world absolutely had gender nonconformity and fluidity. It had trans people. It had queer people. Additionally, they/them as a singular pronoun is well established in English. It's not new, and even if it was, language evolves.

Lennie wasn't inspired by Jim; I was a somewhat late adopter of OFMD. But I found a kindred spirit to Lennie, one who encouraged me pre-publication and continues to do so now. If there was room for Jim, there was room for Lennie. I admired and adored the tenderness, the straightforward inclusion of what has been, of late, something often mocked and derided.

For me, the moment that best encapsulates Lennie's whole deal falls just before Lennie and David have sex for the first time. I do like to make my characters have discussions in bed or near a bed. It's a thing. I'm also so proud of David's character growth; he starts out in Like Silk Breathing as petty and stodgy, and becomes a darling. Spoiler... he's a total cyclebreaker.

Context: David doesn't have Lennie's own inside knowledge. Here's the excerpt, which is from book two, The Only Story:

So engulfed by the feeling of having Lennie on top of him, it took a moment for [David] to realize he was being teased. This seemed to be a common thing amongst those who liked him. He allowed a second for it to settle, then said, “Are you... do you... is there anything you want to discuss?” But he hastened to add, because he did not want Lennie to think any of the answers would disgust him, “I don’t care what your stepfather thinks or believes. I only care about what you tell me.”

A bit breathless, Lennie said, “I dress like a man, whatever that means. And sometimes...” he smiled. “No, oftentimes... most of the time. I feel like one.” He chuckled. “Whatever that means.” His eyes were guileless. “I know for certain I’m not a woman. Not at all.”

With alacrity, David nodded, fingertips on Lennie’s hips. “No.” Then he thought, He isn’t. They aren’t? That much was clear.

Exhibiting no small measure of relief, Lennie sighed and studied him. “Really?”

“Yes, really. How... should I talk about you? Or to you?”

Lennie thought about it. “I’m much closer to a man, but I’m... also somewhere in between. So... if it’s just us, I’d like to be reminded of that.” Hearing this, David inferred neutrality was best and endeavored to embrace it. “Anyone else, though? Those who don’t know me well? They should address me as a man.”

Feeling slightly as though he’d been blessed with these insights, David nodded. “All right.”

“If I start to feel less... between, I’ll tell you.”

“Good.”

I wanted it to be sweet, joyous, and to the point.

David's not put off and doesn't overthink it; he just wants to get it right for this person he loves. I had no desire to discuss diversity, or queer trauma, or identity, or inclusivity, whether veiled in early-twentieth century language or not. Trauma, of course, is there for all of these characters. But I wasn't going to waste dialogue on it. It's some of the ferment, not my focus. I mean this in the least hostile way: I don't provide that kind of scaffolding and I'm probably not writing for people who want it.

Weirdly, I haven't had a "Lennie is crossdressing" assumption. Given the relative ubiquity of the trope in mainstream spheres, it felt the most likely to happen. Regardless, it has been intriguing to see how the "Lennie has dual/multiple personalities" refrain hasn't been rooted in bad-faith malice. It's a good ol' human misunderstanding.

My work will reach those who resonate with it more intuitively, and I'm looking forward to that. It already has met some of those folks or it wouldn't have been published! But I still like that it's reaching people who stand to learn. After all, here's hoping they'll be curious about, and ultimately welcoming of, something they don't understand.

Ideally, everyone should Be More David. And if he can do it, anybody can.